For a long time i dug almost into
everything

To get hold of what they called the 'soul'
i dug stones, fallen leaves, old bones, ancient memories
with the spades of my thoughts i dug, i dug.
i dug the stones and silence

i kept digging
i dug through my years
year after year
i dug through dictionaries,
through voices that were mine
and through voices that were'nt mine

i dug through my revolt
i dug through the pain
through the roots of pain
collected a few laughter
a few fragments of freedom

Felt-- i was all
as much as i was nothing

i dug through my crimes, my fears, my guilt ,
my anger , my remorse and shame
to find if there ever was a God looking
A God -- whom i'd meet eye to eye
before i die -- catching glimses
of this thing called ' soul'.


i looked through every window
where they told me you could see Love.
And if you did -  you could see God
And if you did-- you could see this ' soul thing'.

i looked through the window of love
kissed it , drank it

sometimes what love was,
Was in a woman
Was on a leaf on a tree
Was in the pains
within my
own chest as the knives of solitude
ravaged through

This soul was me
This soul was not me
i wish i could ask
but those who died would not speak



With empty palms i begged the sky
if like a coin it could fall into my cup

then nothing.

A butterfly came , sat,

and happily flew away

something smiled
made me smile
and everything stood still for a while
in that smile